Be born in England.

OR

http://www.ukba.homeoffice.gov.uk/britishcitizenship/

Drink alot tea. And teabag people in FPS games.

And

Watch Doctor Who!

Ask our resident redcoat Kanganoob_lob.

1.:Call chips "crisps", french fries "chips", cookies "biscuits", biscuits "scones", etc.
2: ???
3: PROFIT!
4: Deportation

pro tip

TOOTH PASTE!?!?!? Yea Throw that away.

You're butters bruv.

So far you have just defined Australians and New Zealanders as well. Other differences are:

Pommies complain. Alot. And rarely shower or bath. Have extremely white skin, go out without any hat or sunscreen on a 30C+ day and wonder why you got sunburnt.

(lets see if that gets a bite...)

Drink lots of tea, with biscuits. Enjoy a good Sunday roast, and talk like a WW2 vet if you're old.

"Jolly good show old chap!"

Don't get all your meals from McDonalds, and spell words correctly, like colour and sulphur. Don't go around wearing lederhosen, or saying "G'day mate" with a can of Fosters in your hand.

Also, drink tea. No matter the time of day, no matter where you are, tea makes all things good. Tea at 6 in the morning when you just woke up is better than tea at 11 at night, btw. Especially when it's still warm.

I forgot a few things, if you're from Norwich, say bushy barnie bee instead of ladybird, and if your from london, say that instead of a woman's 'lower regions'.

If you're from Norwich, make a move on your cousin or other relative. If your southern, sound a bit posh, while if your northern you talk a little silly, saying "yer" instead of "your" and "fer" instead of "for", and wear farmer like clothes.

If you're welsh, get to know your sheep.

Drink your beers warm.